off record

i don't remember when it was, but i was walking to school one morning and looked to my left. on the sidewalk was a homeless woman in a sleeping bag. she was propped up on her stomach and leaning on her right elbow, because her left hand was darting in and out of a casserole. as she ate, she half-covered the dish with a newspaper, as if to house it from the drizzle, or maybe she had been hiding it. i don't know. how could i possibly understand the function of a wet newspaper draped over a casserole being eaten by hand while lying on a sidewalk on a gray october day?
but i will hazard that, on some days, i feel as though i understand. on those days i feel that i could fall out of love with life, lie down and never get back up. and if that happened, then i would be that woman on the sidewalk. it would be so easy.