unable

this is one of the days, among so many others this week, that i wake up and, within the first 5 minutes, give up. i stay in bed for hours. i get up to drink water or go to the restroom and then almost run back to bed. otherwise, i have to smile. i have to make decisions, basic decisions. what to wear, what to eat, how to feel. yes, i have to decide how to feel, because the default is to feel nothing.
that's not exactly true. i do feel. i feel fuzzy, the way a tv looks when the reception is out, which reminds me of a poetry class i took when i was nineteen. my professor said there was no way i could feel "dark." now i understand. as there is no way to feel a color, the message behind "feeling dark" is unclear, yes -- definitely a principle of good writing. but i wonder about alternatives. i don't know how else to say whatever this is, nor do i know what to do. currently, my only solution is to wake up earlier. give up between 7 and 10 instead of 10 and 1 in the afternoon.